Silence
by hadrian
Summary: So much to say, so much to do, so little time. [Sorata x Arashi] Spoiler for ep. 20


**DISCLAIMER: Sorata and Arashi belong to CLAMP and ASUKA.**

_**Italicized: Flashbacks.**_

**SILENCE**

Arashi woke up before sunrise feeling familiar warmth enveloped around her. She felt the body – the naked body – of Sorata lying beside her. She was on her side, curled into the curve of his form and his right arm served as her pillow. Patches of early morning light coming from the window cast a faint shadow along his face. The sight was so endearing that it made her want to touch him and make love to him again. But she did not want to wake him up. Knowing Sorata he would probably joke about it or make humorous comments about last night.

"Last night…" Arashi whispered, letting memories flood her mind…

_After the Dark Kamui attacked them in Inogashira, Sorata sustained injuries from protecting Arashi. She thought that it was the end, that it was the Stargazer's prophecy coming true. And for the first time in her life, the Shrine Maiden of Ise was scared; not for her, but for the life of the man she loves. The injuries he suffered were so bad it was a miracle he survived. Arashi stayed by his side the whole time he was unconscious, not bothering to eat or sleep. She sat and waited, hoping that he would soon wake up so she could thank him for his kindness…for his compassion…and love._

_But how would she say it? What would it sound like?_

_The sun was already setting when Sorata finally opened his eyes. Arashi tried to say something, but she just sat there speechless. He tried to lighten things up, but to no avail. The tears she was suppressing started to flow endlessly. But it was his words that broke her heart into million pieces._

"_Nee-chan, I know you don't have any feelings for me. I did it because of my own feelings, yours shouldn't matter," he said in a very agonized voice. Although he was smiling, she could see the hurt in his eyes._

"_But they do!" Arashi blurted out. "You think I'd be alright if you got injured or even died... I really…lov…" _

_Between sobs, she managed to tell him her true feelings. Sorata was visibly surprised to see her like that - unguarded and vulnerable. He raised his hands and his fingers brushed across her tear-laden cheeks. He asked her if it's all right to believe that she's in love with him too, and she just nodded. When he asked for her first kiss, she felt herself melting towards him. _

Arashi unconsciously touched her lips with her finger, as she remembered the sensation she felt the first time their lips touched…

_Sorata held her face with his hands and ever so gently placed his lips on hers. She was cautious at first afraid to let her emotions carry her away, but she closed her eyes and let herself respond to him. It was a short and innocent kiss, yet full of love. There were no birds singing, no violins playing, only a man and a woman expressing their love for each other. After they broke the kiss, she sat down on his bed beside him, her face buried on his chest as they held each other close, his lips occasionally brushing her hair. _

Arashi carefully untangled herself from Sorata's embrace. She leaned on her left elbow, but did not remove the right arm snaked around her lover's waist. She gazed at his face and reached out a hand to touch his cheek.

"Nee…-chan…" he mumbled dreamily.

"Sorata…" she whispered.

He stirred a little, but did not open his eyes. Did he feel her gaze on him? Maybe it was her cool hand on his cheek. Or maybe he was dreaming of her. She slid towards him, careful not to wake him up, and gently kissed his lips. As she kissed him, familiar feelings swept over her like a storm. Images from the night before played in her mind…

_Intimate moments stretched on between the two of them. After a while she heard Sorata laugh softly. _

"_What's funny?" she asked, crinkling her eyebrows._

"_I just realized, I know too little about you," he answered._

_Arashi looked at Sorata and said, "What do you want to know?"_

_For a long time, they lay on his bed and exchanged memories. She told him about her tough childhood and her dead mother whom she had loved so much. She also told him how Kaede-sama found her ransacking garbage cans for leftovers and brought her to Ise Shrine. _

_Sorata, on the other hand, told her funny stories about his childhood and the pranks he used to play on the monks of Mt._ _Kouya. His eyes sparkled as he talked about his Grandfather, the famous Stargazer of Mt._ _Kouya. Arashi could tell that he already misses the old man. Sadness overcame her as she realized that she too misses Kaede-sama. But happy at the same time, for she felt much closer to Sorata and relieved that she was able to bring down the walls that she built around her. Never had anyone touched her heart like he did. _

_Sorata looked at her with soft eyes. He gave her the smile that melted her heart before, but it dissolved yet again as he looked at her. She thought of him touching her lips with his fingertips, tracing her chin with his thumb as she kissed his fingers... _

_New longings started to fill her. The closeness they have now was not enough for her. Her heart, her body, her soul...her whole being cried out for something more. She wanted him desperately and desire was also visible in his eyes. _

_But how would she say it? What would it sound like?_

_As if reading her mind, he leaned over … touched her lips with his fingertips… while his thumb traced her chin… she closed her eyes and kissed his fingertips…amazed at how he was able to know her innermost thoughts. _

Arashi sat up, gathering the blanket around her and watched Sorata as he softly slept. He looked so peaceful just lying there with a pained but satisfied smile on his face. What she wouldn't give, if time should stand still, to keep this moment. She noticed that the sun was already beginning to shine; its rays slowly creeping from the slightly drawn curtains. The bright light bathed Sorata's body with a luminous white glow and created a reflection of a halo on his wildly swept hair.

"Like an angel" she thought.

So powerful, yet so gentle…

_Arashi did not stop him when his kisses became intense. She did not protest when his hands began to wander her body, she did not refuse when he asked to make love to her. She felt a thrill run through her as he draws her down to the bed. She ran her hands through his body as he placed trails of hot kisses along hers._

_It was a little difficult than she expected. Both of them had never done it before and afraid of hurting him further, she didn't know what to do or which way to turn to. But as they moved closer and closer, all the uncertainties slipped away. There was only Sorata and his incredible gentleness; his endless passion. _

_He whispered sweet-nothings into her ear, "You're really beautiful, Nee-chan, I don't know if I really deserve this", to which she replied, "But you do. What have I given you that you haven't given me a hundred times over?" He just laughed and continued to caress her._

_There was pain when their bodies joined, but it was nothing compared to the joy and love that swept through her. She clung to him tightly even after he finished. Until a few minutes, she relaxed and lay in his arms in complete amazement. They caressed and stroked each other until they both fell asleep. _

Remembering it in the morning, Arashi asked herself why she waited so long to experience the greatest possible happiness in her life. She still had a lot of things to say to him, yet she couldn't find the words, a lot of things she wanted to do with him, but time was mocking her. She could feel the Promised Day approaching and she could feel Sorata slowly fading away from her. As if time was telling her that his time was almost up, that he needed to go and fulfill his Destiny. But she cannot let another person she loves leave her.

Arashi hopped down from the bed and put on her clothes, thinking of the right words to tell him when he wakes up.

**But how would she say it? What would it sound like?**

"You told me how our Destiny has already been foreordained, but who says we can't change it?" **ANGER.**

"If your Destiny is to die for me, then am I destined to be lonely?" **EMPTINESS.**

"Sorata…all I can think of is how I almost lost you, and the thought of losing you again is unbearable." **GUILT.**

"If betraying Kamui and the Ten no Ryu, means preventing your Destiny, then I'm more than willing to take a chance." **SELFISHNESS**.

It didn't matter how she would say it or what it would sound like. Her words would only fall in deaf ears. After all she did not want Sorata to be awake when she leaves for she might not have the courage to go. Let him sleep, it'd be easier that way. But she did not want to go without saying anything, so she grabbed a pen and paper on the table on his bedside and sat on a chair and wrote a few words for Sorata.

_Dear Sorata, _she began, but immediately erased it.

Arashi has written letters to Kaede-sama before, but it was never as hard as writing a goodbye letter to your beloved, especially after spending a night of passion with him. But the sun was already up and she knew she had to go before he wakes up. She finished the letter and folded it and put it on top of the table, where it can easily be seen.

She walked to her sleeping lover and held his hand. She squeezed it lightly; she knew he couldn't feel it, but it was herself that she was comforting not him. She gently placed a kiss on his lips, giving him the final kiss they would share. She shut her eyes to prevent the tears that were threatening to fall. And with a final decision in mind, she silently walked out the door.

Sorata woke up with the sunlight streaming from the windows, blinding him temporarily. He adjusted his vision to the light and searched for the presence of someone he expected to be there. But a painfully empty side of the bed met his gaze. He looked around until he saw a folded paper on the table. With trembling hands, he opened it and started reading.

_My Dearest Sorata,_

_You have given so much for Kamui and to the world. You have worried yourself too much about me and risked your life to protect me. But I know you're already tired and hurting. That's why I have to go. Let me worry for you. For both of us. _

_Please, feel no responsibility for what I'm about to do. I just hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me._

_Forever yours, and only yours,_

_Arashi_

_p.s. I hope you're all better the next time we see each other…although I can't say when…_

"Nee-chan…" Sorata whispered, clutching the letter to his heart.


End file.
